A professional sports team's way of marketing to children, creating a family-friendly environment, and brainwashing the youth of a city into loving the local team. What would the world be without Mr. Met, The Chicken, The Baltimore Oriole or even Dancin' Homer?
But what happens when the marketing gurus behind these costumed comedians think they've struck gold, but have actually brought to life nightmare-inducing creatures?
The NHL is home to a few costumed monstrosities, and we're here to expose them.
Thrash of the Atlanta Thrashers
If rap songs are to be believed, Atlanta is a rough place. So when the NHL placed a franchise in the city of "crunk," they could have just gotten Lil' John to be the team's mascot and everyone would have been screamin' "Yeahhh!"
Meet Thrash. Thrash looks like the type of person who would break into your car, jack the radio and squat in the backseat for a few days before firebombing the evidence. Not only does Thrash have an aggressive look, but he also manhandles children."Somebody help me...Get him off me. Get him off me."
Fin the Whale of the Vancouver Canucks
Free Willy was dynamite at the box office. Kids loved whales, kids loved Michael Jackson's theme song for the film, and well, you can make your own MJ joke. So when the Canucks decided to go with a whale mascot, it seemed like a great idea at the time.
You're probably thinking "Gee, CK, he doesn't look so bad," but you're wrong. From Fin's personal bio: "favorite book is Moby Dick." If I recall correctly, Moby Dick killed the entire crew of Captain Ahab's ship and walked away scot free.Fin's game-time gimmick? Eating children.
He may look civil, but at the end of the day, he's just a killer whale in a suit. And worst of all, he's a pirate.and a wedding crasher.
Now, the most terrifying mascot in the NHL...
Iceburgh of the Pittsburgh Penguins
Iceburgh looks like a lovable, huggable and punchable penguin, but just watch this video and tell me if you'd ever trust your children around this beast ever again.
I like that your blog doesn't take itself so seriously like all the other Caps blogs. Nice to see a fun post. Thanks for the laughs.
ReplyDeleteHoly shit dude, Thrash is a dick! What kind of sick mascot gets his jollies muscling little kids around?
ReplyDelete"Thrash looks like the type of person who would break into your car, jack the radio and squat in the backseat for a few days before firebombing the evidence."
Haha.
Thanks for the comments guys. I don't like to just post news news news on my blog. Part of having a blog is having fun, and to me, just constantly dreaming up serious articles gets boring.
ReplyDeleteSure, making a post about scary mascots isn't adding much to the blogosphere, but if a few people enjoy it and have a laugh, then it was worth it.
Wow, that Iceburgh fight was BRUTAL. I do, however, have to poke a small hole in your logic though: clearly, that evil Iceburgh is dead. You'd think the Penguins organization would want to stray from the bad publicity that came from Iceburgh 1's murder by hiring a pacifistic Penguin mascot. Without such intimate knowledge of the Penguins organization, however, I can only speculate at this time.
ReplyDeleteThrash is kind of a douche. Me and my Dad were Rocking the Red in ATL last march and he came down and was giving us the business...to the point where he gave a "fake" punch and knocked my Dad's glasses of his face. I would not want to see Thrash in a dark alley that's for sure.
ReplyDelete@Jamestobrien
ReplyDeleteIf you've ever seen a good slasher movie then you know. He's not dead, not by a long shot.
@MPL
I'm pretty sure Thrash was involved in the Mike Vick dog fighting ring.
I think the kid Thrash is pummeling had it coming. Just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteIceburgh X: Iceburgh in Space
ReplyDelete(Goosebumps? Yup.)
I can't help but notice the similarities between this fight and every fight scene on Family Guy. Gee, talk about originality Family Guy...
ReplyDeletethat evil Iceburgh is dead
ReplyDeleteLet me you introduce you to my brother Iceburgh, and my other brother, Iceburgh.
iceburgh is badass.. fear the penguins.
ReplyDeleteThrash looks like the type of person who would break into your car, jack the radio and squat in the backseat for a few days before firebombing the evidence.
ReplyDeleteHahaha holy shit. I'm 22 and I'm having nightmares about him tonight...
must suck to have your hand deepfried
ReplyDeleteWhat doesn't make any sense at all is why Van Damme is punching the head of Iceburgh and the woman inside Iceburgh is stumbling like it's actually hurting her. And then when he lifts her up into the fan, and cuts off one of Iceburgh's eyes...I mean...really? REALLY?
ReplyDeleteIceburgh, kidnapper of children, ass kicker of Van Damme.
ReplyDelete