Friday, January 9, 2009

How to make All-Star game the biggest gimmick on ice

I know the All-Star game is a joke, and you know it too. Even if the game featured the right lineups, it still would be chock-full of snubs and undeserving players.

Rather than argue for a legitimate All-Star game, instead, we should have the biggest gimmick on ice: a true spectacle worthy of watching if only just to say, "Yeah, I saw that crap and hated it."

So, without futher delay, "How to make the ASG the biggest gimmick on ice."

Team Ovechkin vs. Team Crosby
We know who the biggest stars in the NHL are, so why not copy the KHL's format and have them each captain a team? Both players command large fan bases who would love to see them go head-to-head with the very best the NHL has to offer.

Fan voting for EVERY player
OK, so we have the two captains; now we need players. Well, the NHL seems to think this fan voting thing is a great idea, so let's run with it. The fans will choose every player in the game, only they won't pick who plays with who...

The All-Star Game draft
During the Winter Classic, Ovechkin and Crosby will choose their team, fantasy draft style, during the intermission. In all honesty, I'd love to see what teams the two of them would build given the chance to play fantasy GM for a day. Anyway, we are so close to turning this into crap-tacular entertainment.

A three-point line and each period ends with a shootout for a "bonus goal"

Oh man, we're going off the deep end now. Goals scored from the blue line are worth three goals, and after each period the players engage in a shootout for a "bonus goal" that will count for one regulation goal. I hope Gary Bettman isn't reading this.

MVP of the game gets an extra game at home for his team in the playoffs.
I think that is pretty self-explanatory. If Ovechkin were to win the ASG MVP, he would get the Capitals five home games instead of four for every series they are in the playoffs. It's not like any other league uses home-field advantage as a reward for their All-Star game...

Well there you have it. The crappiest gimmick on ice.


  1. This could only be improved by playing the game in a blacked-out arena using glow-in-the-dark pucks -- and maybe having Hall of Fame enforcers beat the crap out of league officials between periods.

  2. Or maybe take a cue from pro wrestling and have a cage match-- no refs, and any and all hits allowed.

  3. Sadly, if this were the format (except the MVP bit, not a fan of that sort of thing), I'd make a point of it to go to a friend's house so I could watch it since I don't have Versus here. As it is now, I'm perfectly content to miss it every single year.

  4. Since it's the All-Star game, why not have 2 pucks in play at all times?

    (Maybe I'd watch then...)


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