Unleash the Furry: Mascot Hockey at the Phonebooth

You know it's been a bad game when we're foregoing a recap of the Capitals game and instead writing about the other atrocity that graced the ice that night: the second-period-intermission mascot game.

The game featured Slapshot of the Capitals, G-Wiz of the Wizards, Screech of the Nationals, Jack the Georgetown Hoya, Thrash of the Atlanta Thrashers, Swoop of the Philadelphia Eagles, The Baltimore Oriole, Poe of the Baltimore Ravens, Coco of the Hershey Bears and some cross between Mr. Met and a bull.

The game was like passing a car crash on I-95. Your mind was telling you to ignore it, but you just couldn't peel your eyes off the body of an Oriole slipping and falling over and over again.

Each character had a persona they embodied. Swoop was a typical Flyers fan, causing a ruckus in the Verizon Center. Slapshot took on the role of Ovechkin, and Screech played the kid who is always picked last when deciding teams on the playground.

You can see in Slapshot's eyes that, despite the "family friendly" nature of the game, the bitter Philly/D.C. rivalry was still burning inside of him.

G-Wiz watched in horror as Thrash did everyone a favor and decked the Man-Bull, putting him out of the game. Nothing of value was lost.

Slapshot charged the net and scored with a re-creation of an Ovechkin "trip and score special." G-Wiz and the Hoya did their best impressions of Montreal Canadien defenders.

Perhaps the most shocking moment came when the Georgetown Hoya pulled a "Danny Briere" on Coco, spearing him for no reason at all. It wasn't the only lowlight of Coco's night...

Coco played in net for most of the game, but he slipped and fell, allowing Thrash to score a soft goal. Later, he had a chance to clear the puck, but whiffed and fell on his face again. It's safe to say that Coco is not NHL-ready.

Some game notes:

• The six children sitting behind me were disappointed with the game. I blame G-Wiz.
• The score was 1-1, but somehow Slapshot was credited with a "game-winning goal." I smell a fix...
• Why is the Nationals mascot so damn fat? He looks more like a dirty dish towel than an eagle.
• Poe from the Baltimore Ravens probably gives children nightmares.
• For a b-ball mascot, the Hoya was pretty good on the ice.
• What the hell is G-Wiz?
• What were the teams again? I just know they tried to play off a Southeast Division "rivalry" between Slapshot and Thrash. It was pretty tame, just like any Southeast Division "rivalry."
• If you're going to do a mascot game, then do it right. This needed a bench-clearing brawl, the Racing Presidents from Nationals games and The Chicken.